


Lock up forever this heart captivated by you

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Confrontations, Fights, M/M, Secret Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 06:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14743857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Hikaru didn’t think he had ever felt so nervous in his whole life.He was in front of Yuya’s door, trying to convince himself to ring the doorbell.But it didn’t look like he could.





	Lock up forever this heart captivated by you

Hikaru didn’t think he had ever felt so nervous in his whole life.

He was in front of Yuya’s door, trying to convince himself to ring the doorbell.

But it didn’t look like he could.

It had taken him weeks to gather up the courage to be there, in front of that door.

Since he had been starting to think about Takaki more often than he deemed legit for someone he had always thought was just a friend. He had been worrying about it.

He didn’t like that feeling. He didn’t like the fact that thinking about him was out of his control, he didn’t like that he couldn’t stop.

He hadn't liked coming to the conclusion that what he felt for him went over friendship, he hadn't liked having to classify it as love.

He looked at the door again, feeling a little sick.

And in the end he decided to challenge himself and finally rang.

He almost hoped Yuya wasn’t home, that he didn’t come to the door, that he didn’t force him to face that subject.

When he heard the lock click, he groaned.

Takaki looked sleepy; when he saw Hikaru, his eyes went wide in surprise.

“Hikka... it’s eight in the morning. What’s happened?” he mumbled, clear sign that he had just woken up.

The younger tried to smile, getting inside the apartment and trying to look innocent.

“I’m sorry, Yuuyan, did I wake you up? I didn’t mean to.” he said, shrugging and walking toward the kitchen. “I’ll go make coffee, you can sit down.” he added then, pointing at the table while the other looked more and more lost.

But he did as he had asked, and Hikaru started making coffee, trying to keep in check the slight trembling of his hands.

He had to calm down. And pretend to be confident, apparently, wasn’t helping.

“So, want to tell me what you’re doing here?” Takaki asked again, brushing his eyes in an attempt to clear his mind.

“I wanted to see you, that’s all. It’s been a while since we’ve spent some time together, and I thought I would've taken advantage of the fact that we don’t have to work today.” he explained, still trying to control his heart beating.

He kept repeating in his mind what he felt for Yuya, as if it was some sort or rehearsal, as if doing that then words were going to come on their own.

He put the pot on and then joined the other at the table.

Takaki had rested his chin on his hands, as if he couldn’t keep his head up on his own.

He didn’t look as puzzled as before, and he slowly started smiling.

“Fine. Then I can overlook having been thrown out of bed.” he said, his voice more lively. “And anyway, I’m glad you came. It’s been a while since I’ve wanted to talk to you, but there’s never been the right occasion.” he added, the smile on his face cheerful.

Yaotome hesitated for a moment.

He was about to reply, when he got distracted by a noise from the coffee maker.

He stood up, grabbing two mugs and pouring the coffee; he tried not to rush it, to buy himself some time to think.

He had no idea as to what the other wanted to tell him, and he didn’t allow himself to hope it would've been the same thing he had to tell him.

He wasn’t going to get so lucky. And aware of that, he couldn’t help but feeling a vague fear, he didn’t even know of what.

He brought the coffee to the table, putting a mug in front of Takaki and staring intently at his own, avoiding eye contact with him.

“So? What is it you wanted to tell me?” he asked, hoarse.

By the corner of his eye he saw Yuya smile and blush slightly, which worried him even more.

“I’ve been dating Yuri.” the other murmured, with a tone so damn happy that Hikaru almost felt sick.

He raised his eyes on him, frowning.

“ _Yuri_?” he repeated, spiteful. “And why in the world are you dating Yuri?” he asked, seeing the smile on the elder’s face disappear right away.

“Because... I like be with him. I have a good time, I... I’m happy.” he explained.

Hikaru almost felt sorry for him; but that feeling wasn’t enough to overcome the idea of the two of them together, of Chinen being allowed to touch him, to hold his hand, to sleep with him, to do everything he had only imagined.

He knew he should’ve kept quiet and left, pretending that that conversation had never happened, ignoring what Yuya had told him.

But he couldn’t.

He got up, abandoning the coffee on the table and staring at him.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what a nice relationship it must be. Chinen asking you something, playing the spoilt brat, and you there, ready to fulfil his every wish. Really, Yuuyan, you’re world’s best couple.” he said, doing nothing not to sound sour, ironical.

Takaki’s face was humiliated now, angry.

“What could you possibly know about it, Hikaru? Chii’s in love with me and I’m in love with him. I don’t see what’s the problem and I don’t understand why you can’t just be happy about me, instead of passing judgement.” he hissed, and Hikaru recognized the tone Yuya used when he was about to start crying.

He didn’t let that move him either.

“How can I be happy about my friend deciding he wants to sleep with kids?” he said, sarcastic.

And there Yuya slapped him, and he knew he deserved that and more.

“You’re mean, Hikaru.” the elder murmured, staring at his hand as if he couldn’t believe what he had just done. “When I’ve decided to tell you I... I thought you were going to be glad. I thought that what mattered was that I was happy, that you weren’t going to judge me without knowing how things are.” he went on, and all Hikaru could do was scoff.

_Don’t trust someone who’s got nothing to lose, Yuya._

He wished he could’ve told him that.

He wished he could’ve told him that it didn’t matter what he said, how much he hurt him, how bad his words made him feel.

He had gone there because he had finally found the courage to make his move, and finding out he was late made him feel like he had nothing left, like nothing mattered anymore.

Yuya had Chinen, and he felt useless.

“I better go now.” he murmured, walking in a rush toward the front door.

“Hikka, wait... tell me what’s your problem, explain to me what’s wrong!” Takaki begged him, and his voice now sounded more confused than angry.

But the younger didn’t listen.

He turned toward him, shrugging.

“There’s nothing to explain. I don’t want to stay, and I’m still convinced that you’re making a mistake.” he said, but it wasn’t true.

There was all to explain. He wanted to stay there and talk to him, telling him how he felt, let him soothe him even, had it been necessary.

And he knew that, if Chinen managed to make Yuya happy, it wasn’t a mistake.

But it didn’t matter, not to him.

All that mattered was that there wasn’t going to be a chance again, that he had lost without even getting a chance to actually try.

He got out the apartment, Yuya’s stare on his back and the feeling that fighting with him would've made him feel slightly better.

Because the anger was partly masking the disappointment, the suffering, that feeling of uselessness.

Because Yuya had his happiness, and it wasn’t with him.

Because Yuya was never going to know why he had gone there that morning.

Because, even though he had nothing to lose, Hikaru wasn’t going to throw himself into the abyss without a chute, he wasn’t going to talk when he knew nothing was coming from it.

He went back home, pretending nothing had happened.

He felt nothing at all, there was nothing to feel.

It was all a mistake, that whole situation.

Even him and what he felt. Those were mistakes too.


End file.
